Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
