Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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