The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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