Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
