From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
