Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
