The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
