Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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