i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
