I wish I could punch you in the face.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
