Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
