TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
