he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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