those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
