well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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