i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
