If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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