we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
