Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
