I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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