Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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