He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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