I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
