last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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