He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
