I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
