my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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