Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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