No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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