Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
