you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
