I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
