I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
