Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
