I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
