Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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