3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
