I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
