people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
