his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
