I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
