i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
