OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
