nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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