I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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