So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Boobs are out for the taking
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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