Your tits are I can't wait for
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
