I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Michael Bay diarrhea
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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