sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
