I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
