I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
