4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize