mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
