U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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