I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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