I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
