I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
