The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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