My underwear smells like fireworks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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