My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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