I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
