she woke up with a sticky ear
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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