hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
