If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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