from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
