My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
