Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
