She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
