dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
