you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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