Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
